I’ve always been a very solitary and private person. I was raised as an only child, and had a very small group of friends. When I’m asked if I need help with anything, my reflex is to immediately answer that I’m fine.

That’s all had to change lately.

These days I really do need help. It’s an unusual and odd feeling, having to rely on so many other people. I’ve been dealing with hospitals for almost eight months at this point (whoa), so I’ve gotten used to being “helped” in the sense that hospital employees have been doing their jobs… taking vital signs, communicating information, and performing other formal duties.

This may not be the kind of help I’m looking for.

What I’m not used to is people helping because they want to help. It wasn’t until I had a home heath aide come to the house this weekend that I realized that people other than my wife had help to offer that went beyond medical advice. We’ve had family in town recently, and they’ve all been a huge help, but there are limits to what they can do.

Over last weekend, we had an aide visit from a really nice and helpful woman that actually left me feeling somewhat positive about what’s happening to me, which is obviously a new thing.

It wasn’t just that she had positive things to say about my prognosis, it also had a lot to do with her demeanor. This will sound strange, but she acted as if I was a victim of something terrible and needed help, not as a “patient,” if that makes any sense.

Actually, after re-reading this and thinking more about the visit, I think the key word was sympathy. I’ve been getting sympathy from other people of course, so that’s not a new thing, but the ability to convince me that I’m going to be okay was such a great feeling.

Hopefully these visits will continue, and they’ll leave me with the same set of positive feelings. Regardless, I’ll take all the help I can get these days.

Due to my illness, we have created a Gofundme campaign for my sons’ college tuitions. If you can spare anything we greatly appreciate it. If not, simply sharing this link would be a big help. No matter what happens, Haley and I want to be able to give the boys the best future possible.

Should I recover, all donations will be refunded.

Link to make a donation: https://www.gofundme.com/edhigginsmemorial